Are you a conversational narcissist?
Most of us are good talkers but lousy listeners. So, here’s how to know if your conversations are consistently more about you than anyone you’re talking with:
- You give little or no focus to what other people tell you.
- Your undying preoccupation is laser-locked on what you’re going to say next.
- You habitually hijack conversational subjects and steer them toward your own interests and experiences.
- Your stories are always “better” or “more important” than anyone else’s—therefore, more worthy of airtime.
Most of us love to talk more than listen. That’s garden variety selfishness. But conversational narcissists are me-monster addicts. They’ve never encountered a chat that couldn’t become all about them. Protest all you like, but if that’s really you, your friends and family already know.
I’m reading a book called How to Listen with Intention. Author Patrick King points out, “Conversational narcissism may look on its surface like a regular conversation, but on closer inspection, it actually resembles two people spouting monologues”—and they’re right next to each other!
The problem is as old and knotty as sin itself. The answer? Patrick King suggests, “Listening well requires that you suspend your own self-interest and ego and gracefully allow someone else to shine.” This sounds remarkably like Philippians 2:4–
Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.
Our conversations say everything about our interests in others, our Savior—and ourselves. Maybe a good next step for all of us is to simply say less—much less—and listen more. Much more!
Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry
– James 1:19
