Author: Jon Gauger

It’s one of the funniest lines—that never gets a laugh. I refer to the safety demonstration from a flight last week: This aircraft is equipped with six emergency exits… Your seat cushion may be used as a flotation device… Smoking in the lavatories at any time is prohibited… Then the flight attendant rattles off this disturbing scenario: “In the event of a sudden loss in cabin pressure, oxygen masks will drop down automatically.  Reach up and pull the mask to your face—and breathe normally.” Think about it.  What could possibly cause a “sudden loss” in cabin pressure?  A bullet through the…

I sat in the Batmobile! In case you missed it, the Batmobile made a stop in Hinsdale, Illinois.   But I was impressed by more than the car itself.  In an age of high crime and low trust, the dynamic duo simply left the Batmobile right on the street.  Neither Commissioner James Gordon nor the Gotham Chief of Police was on hand to guard the iconic vehicle. What was it like to sit in the Batmobile, you ask? Impressive, frankly.  From the bubbled Plexiglas windshield to the dash-mounted Detect-A-Scope, I was lost in the lore of Gotham City.  I grabbed the…

Should you wear a mask or not? It’s the Coronavirus conversation guaranteed to generate as much heat as it does light.  But I wonder—would Jesus wear a mask? Note that I’m not asking if masks are effective.  I’m asking if Jesus would wear a mask. The short answer is yes. I think it's clear Jesus would wear a mask—whenever it was either required by ordinances or by His desire to "look out for the interests of others." On what basis do I make such a claim?   When officials questioned whether or not Jesus paid the temple tax, He paid by…

Shrill—and getting shriller. Such is the state of our digital demeanor.  Have you noticed? Our public discourse is often just coarse.  If you’re a conservative, every democrat is despicable.  If you’re a liberal, conservatives are kooky.  Those who disagree with some of the data presented by the Climate Change crowd are “science deniers.”  That’s right!  They deny 100% of everything scientific.  No middle ground—who needs it? We have all but lost our capacity to disagree, let alone discuss much of anything with others.  Civility is dead. In our posts, texts, and media, we celebrate the crass, specialize in the snarky,…

Conversations with a 969 Year Old Man Some people have happy dreams—others, nightmares.  How to describe this? I found him outside town perched on a rock at an intersection locally known as Three Corners, named for the three counties that come together on three roads emerging out of a forest. It’s not like I was staring at him or anything. Okay, maybe a little. How could I not? His body gave the appearance of a distressed pup tent—saggy and poked out in places where fragile bones attempted to prop up his shaky limbs.  His skin cascaded down those limbs like…

As we Midwesterners begin our slow goodbye to summer, we know that six months of all things dark and drab loom ahead.  Our descent into the dreary is eased somewhat by the bombastic colors of the fall trees. As if to dare the onslaught of fall’s overwhelming brownness, the leaves emerge in irreverent hues: electric orange, sun-soaked lemon, fierce red.  My favorites are the variegated shades, like the leaf I saw on a neighbor's driveway.  It was small and featured a bright green center crowned with an orange tint that looked as if God was experimenting with Photoshop.  After taking…

It was hard to miss, even walking at the brisk pace I try to maintain on my early morning walks.  There on the side of the road was a magnificent butterfly.  Black and spotted and iridescent, I saw majesty in every flex of its silken wings. My friend Chris, an outdoor guy with considerable experience, told me I was staring at an Eastern Black Swallowtail.  I had more time to study this creature than I should have.  Because when it attempted to fly, it fluttered and stuttered—but went nowhere. Yet the thing kept trying to get airborne anyway.  Try after…

Feasting on a breakfast of presweetened cereal—the kind kids like me love best—I bumped into a curious bit of philosophy. The back of the cereal box offered advice for your “Biggest Week Ever.”  The box suggested we should be kind, be confident, be adventurous, and a few other “nice” things. One could hardly argue with the list.  Nothing wrong with being a dreamer, as was also suggested.  Curiously missing from the list, though, were virtues like honesty. Or perseverance. Or integrity. Since the audience here is young children, why not introduce them to respect as a value worthy of pursuit?Previous…

The beefy hornet dove at me again and again.  I’d had enough, so I grabbed the fly swatter and, with a well-timed swing, sent him on to his reward.  I wondered where he came from and how big was his hive. The next day I met the family. Several hundred of them buzzed in and out of a nest bigger than a football.   The problem is, the hive was not far from our bathhouse out at the campground. Time for action! A search and destroy mission was set for dusk Saturday night, led by special ops team Mike and Gary….

267,000 households without electricity. That’s a whole lot of fridges and freezers on the fritz. That’s a whole lot of air conditioners that aren’t conditioning!  But that’s the state of things after a swath of storms cut through northeastern Illinois Monday night. Gratefully, our home remains spared, though we have friends who needed help.  So I took a generator to their house, fired the thing up, and plugged in a refrigerator and deep freezer. All was well until I saw a text the next morning: “Generator runs—but no power.”   Huh? I drove over right away, and sure enough, ol’ Bessie…